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12.21.05 10 pm Well, there were times I thought I'd never get around to saying this but.... The new album is out. It's for sale. You can buy it. We'll be promoting it to radio and press etc. in January, but it is for sale now for those who want to buy it. This is the most personal thing I have done. I've been through a lot in the time span that encompasses the writing and recording of this. As J. Morrison wrote, 'ghosts cloud the child's fragile egshell mind'. This record is me talking to those ghosts. Sitting with them. Imploring them. Reminding them. Chastising them. Missing them. Confiding in them. Mistrusting them. Hoping for a better relationship with them. It's a sonic exploration. A soundtrack to personal movies of memory, anger, hope, joy. If anybody gets anything out of hearing it, then I have done my job. I've given a little something back to that beautiful nebulous world of musical dimensions that has saved and fueled me. (I have a right be be philosophical about this, it's taken me five fucking years to get this done exactly the way I wanted to ;) Happy holidays. 11.05.05 4 pm It's been awhile since I wrote here... I guess sometimes I'm speechless. But still moving, thinking, trying not to think, lest I continue to be stupefied by things I cannot comprehend. I highly recommend 'Plans' by Deathcab For Cutie. It seems so rare these days to hear music with substance that is receiving wide exposure... We live in a consumer culture that celebrates the disposable, where we are rewarded for not thinking, and encouraged to keep filling that endlessly deep hole of consuming experiences and objects, moving on to the next thing before we have a chance to reflect or learn (god forbid we exhibit any traces of personal responsibility in that regard, where's the fun in it?). The soundtrack to all this is pop. Music that explores the soul, or dark features of the psyche, or love, loss, pain... and all the joy that can exist in the contrast that these provide... doesn't get a lot of airplay. But I suspect there are a lot of people out there who crave more of it. I hope to meet more of them in my life. I'm happy to say that my new record is finished. Not only is it finished, it has been mastered over at Lacquer Channel by Noah Mintz, who did a great job. He was not daunted by the varying formats I recorded in. But he has mastered Broken Social Scene, and if you listen to them on headphones, there is a lot going on to pay attention to from a sonic perspective. It was so strange sitting in that grand studio as he worked, and hearing the musical signposts of my life from over the last few years coming out of the monitors. I kept thinking to myself 'I'm finally going to share this' and almost feeling separate from myself. It was a weird feeling. And I have so much more music almost finished and yet to be made. I hope I make the space to keep doing it as much as I should (and if I value my sanity I should). The artwork is being developed. Photography this week. Manufacturer is just waiting for the art files..... The record is called 'Answering Machine Diaries'. The reason for that is that I have used voicemail as a songwriting device, recording ideas, melodies, lyrics, chord progressions for ages. And the word 'diary' seems appropriate. This is the first time I've released music under my own name, which feels really personal. More details to follow.... 09.18.05 4 pm In the office on a Sunday. Slightly sad but necessary. I have this Brian Eno / Harold Budd music playing which is really nice. Last night, and again today, here in Toronto, if you look up at the sky the clouds are so high, it's like we are contained in a gigantic dome. Which I guess we are... the atmosphere... a stunning blue and white dome protecting us from the deep cold endless vacuum of space. We think of it as a huge permanent buffer, but it is actually quite precariously transient in the timeframe of the history of the solar system, or the even moreso the universe. I read in a book by Bill Bryson that the atmosphere's size in relation to the earth is akin to a thin layer of varnish on a tennis ball. And we're not doing a great job of taking care of it. Makes you think...... I'm reading a book right now called 'Dark Star Safari' (here) by Paul Theroux. Right now he is deep into a remote part of Sudan, exploring ancient Egyptian ruins that have not yet become easily accessible to western tourists. However, they were reached in the 1830's by a treasure hunting opportunistic Italian (whose name I can't remember) who used dynamite to blow off the tops of tombs and walked away with countless treasures that were no doubt melted into gold blocks and sold. Anyway, there is really very little known about the ancient world. Decrypting the hieroglyphs allowed them to learn quite a bit. But you wonder... what was life really like for these human beings. When there's no one left to remember, the dead are forgotten, and any remnants or objects remaining become mere abstract echoes of their origins. What will our echoes be personally and as a culture? After we're gone people who knew us will remember and be able to tell stories that will slightly warp who we were in the reverence of the memory of the dead. If we make music, for example, maybe something of what we were will be felt in whoever hears it after we're gone. But it doesn't matter who you are or what you do, ultimately we are wrapped in a gigantic silent singularity that we can't imagine, an inanimate silence that will overtake and erase everything. (I guess that's why people need religion. 'Don't worry about it, it's part of a Master Plan and there's a Heaven'. A warm blanket. Or a recipe for complacency.) Will future human civilizations build over the rubble of our polluted era. Will even more distant human civilizations excavate from underneath those ruins and wonder who we were. I love considering that we are living in someone's distant unimaginable future, and that we are simultaneously living in someone else's distant, unimaginable past.... 09.13.05 6 pm I've uploaded a new song to the audio section. It's in memory of my Grandfather with whom I had many relaxed, happy times when I was a kid. (Coronation Street is just starting and there I am ringing the doorbell.... the TV goes off and it's the happiest cup of tea you'll ever have....) Somehow the wheels keep turning. (I am officially addicted to the Supergrass album I've linked to above.) 09.03.05 6 pm I went to the Ambient Ping at The Hacienda in Toronto recently, where they always have interesting artists coming in to perform. I was blown away by Zoe Keating (www.zoekeating.com) from California. She plays a cello into a loopbox and makes the most beautiful, orchestral sounds. The next day I discovered that iTunes has an EP of hers for sale so I bought it. I was walking to work listening to it, staring at the buildings, the cars, the people running around trying to peg the next pog..... I felt like I was in a Wim Wenders film. Anyway, I took some footage of her on my tiny camera which I am going to throw up here for anyone who wants to see a little. My friend Scott Cooper is playing a show this Tues. at Graffiti's in Kensington market, he goes on around 9 p.m. - it will be very worth your while if you go. (scottcoopermusic.com) He is a great music artist and performer. He's also quite funny between songs. Scott Cooper is self-effacing but serious - a nice combo of characteristics in a musician, as sometimes musicians nurture chips on their shoulders in order to feel 'elevated' or 'more artful'. Actually, let's not restrict those irritating aspects of human behaviour to some musicians.... the ones who are even worse are the non-musician 'wannabe rock star' geeks who parade around with ridiculous, embarrassing, competitive attitudes.... that is actually far more silly. Especially when it is obvious they are as far away from a 'rock star' (whatever that is) as you can get. Of course the people who humour them and roll their eyes behind their backs see it for what it is.... I mean, at least pick up a guitar and learn to strum 'E', or make art or sing in a band (and not be laughed at for your self-consciousness or bad voice). It's not really enough to stand around and act like you could. And since you know you can't, drop the act, and you'll get along much better with people. Maybe that was Judas' personality. Jesus was too busy turning the other cheek to perceive the true spiteful power of Judas's jealousy. Jesus was the rock star, the original. Judas was jealous and had nothing other than pettiness to elevate him. Of course Moses, Buddha, Mohammed.... all rock stars. And the organized religion that formed around them was like a giant fan (meaning 'fanatical') club. But weren't the original messengers talking about internal awareness (like music does)? And isn't a social structure more about the external (like celebrity or image posing is)? I guess that fits in well with our western obsession with image over substance. OK I am really going off on a tangent here..... apologies. As for me, I have three new ones well on the go. I have to put an end to this madness, so when these three are finished it will be time for mastering. This morning, I lay down the bass track for 'The City On The Edge Of Forever', which will be the last song on the record. It will also be my self-indulgent exploratory 8 minute scat vocal / electronic art rock opus. Some people may really get into it, and others may press 'skip' in order to get to another offering that's more straightforward. 'If You Were Here' is an acoustic guitar-based song that I have been kicking around for a while. I think when the chord progression emerged a couple of years ago I was thinking about my grandfather, but it's evolved into a more general theme. 'Our Song' uses an orchestral oboe in the chorus. I'm still finalizing verse lyrics. Really, making music is like giving birth to a baby with an extremely large head. It takes a lot of.... commitment..... to get the thing out. Of course it's without the actual acute pain of childbirth - thank god. Off to get ready for the arrival of Leo, my lead rival in the never-ending quest for the Golden Federoqio. England vs. Brazil, here we come..... 08.22.05 6 pm I was watching a documentary about the enigmatic Hank Williams the other day. A colossal songwriting and performing talent. An original. Interviewing people who knew him, he comes across as somewhat of a haunted soul. He was very driven in his art and career and eventually made it to the Grand Ol' Opry. But as one of his friends described it, when he made it to the top there was 'nothing there'. He had expected to be somehow relieved or fulfilled by achieving what he did, and instead found himself living out sort of a caricature of himself as a celebrity. Tons of exposure with an absence of substance. Thus began his decline. Makes me think about what artists are looking for when they express themselves in music. A weird combination of hope and narcissism, a desire to be regarded. I think the ultimate musical moment is one of deliverance, when you sort of leave your body and the music temporarily feels bigger than you. Humility. But when all the emphasis of performance is on the performer, the image, and not the art, then you are stuck in a meaningless hyperbole. I remember we used to have some shows where I thought, what is this ritual, what does it mean, is the music getting through the social dynamic of 'going out' that always hovers in an audience on a Friday night. And then you have some moments that are utterly transcendent when you forget about yourself, and you are in sync with your bandmates and lost in the moment. That's the part of performance you live for. That's usually when the audience stops talking. (Actually, some people never stop talking...) But that transcendant moment can also happen in reverse, when you're listening to someone else's performance that resonates with you. It's a beautiful thing to be standing on a street corner and utterly transported by an audio moment that someone else made. And I guess what moves us as people says a lot about who we are. What kind of music we react to. What kind of people we react to. All reflections of us. Ah, but here I am right back into narcissism.... perhaps we only really exist as reflections of ourselves. Time to raise my hood and slip quietly away down the street with my headphones on..... 08.12.05 2 pm OK I've uploaded my first new song in a while. It took me a while to complete, I spent a lot of time exploring directions. I didn't have a style mandate, I just sort of let the song take me where it seemed to want to go. It is a great pleasure and sometimes a great barrier to have so many sonic choices available. I didn't keep every track I added because ultimately this is a straightforward feel and I didn't want it to be too production laden. Having said that, there are lots of little things happening in each part that make it worthy of a headphone listen. Last night I was in Willie Nelson's bus, if you know what I mean, and it sounded pretty cool that way too. Not that I advocate that. (A whole separate issue.... ultimately I advocate self-awareness and responsibility...) Not sure what to say about this song. It's basically inspired by Queen St. W. in Toronto, a collection of images and impressions and an overall feeling. There are undercurrents of other things there too... understanding human behaviour seems to be becoming a bit of a theme. There is a simultaneous sense of community and disconnectedness to Queen W. that I find really interesting. So many different kinds of people, so many disparate dynamics existing side by side. In the end, the chorus just makes me smile. 08.11.05 5 pm I watched Episode 6 of Season 5 of the Sopranos, with director Peter Bogdanovich's commentary on. Sadly, I found this to be super fascinating. How they framed shots, what techniques were used, choices made etc.... amazing. Reminded me of some classes I took in university where we were taught to perceive not just what's being said or shown, but how. The medium shapes the message. The same is true for music. A bass player will hear an amazing bassline in a song, that might be consciously missed by the audience. When to play, when not to play, what melody, what type of sound. When I'm making music there are a gazillion choices to be made, a song is the result of the sum of it's parts. I got a lot of work done on a new track last night called 'Queen St.' There are so many things going on, so many tracks, and each adjusts the flavour of the music. Even changing the volume level of a particular background track can affect the colouring and feel. I feel frustrated for artists sometimes who have their work dismissed by a critic in a 15-second review. I mean, art is subjective anyway. And sometimes I read this stuff and wonder if the critic understands/appreciates what's involved. I guess we live in a disposable culture. The artist is going for resonance, but there's so much white noise, it's hard to be heard above the din. And the din is also full of amazing ideas, thoughts, impressions and is polluted by narcissism, greed, celebrity, imitation, ego, insecurity. And doesn't it feel like our culture persues, perpetuates and rewards celebrity, superficiality, but not art.... not that art can't exploit those dynamics..... OK I'm digressing.... If we could all just NOT THINK everything would be FUN. (Making me think of that scene with Britney Spears in Faranheit 911....) 08.03.05 5 pm The smog has covered the city today. A brown nebulous semi-transparent mass as far as the eye can see from the 37th floor of First Canadian Place, the home of my business alter ego. Bright coloured shoes, giant shades, jeans... I have resisted the uniform of the corporate army. Hordes of pantsuits and suits, hurrying, scurrying through the underground shopping mecca at noon, expressionless faces but purposeful strides. Need to make the most of the lunch hour. Got to get that latte and continue that chapter in the Harlequin book, a chapter called 'Some Fun During The Day (Hey Sister, I'm Not Some Pig)' : 'Mike thought she looked like she'd be worth his time by her smiling picture online. He wanted to have 'nice, electrifying sex'. He e-mailed her his picture and wrote 'You like what you see'? 'I won't be disappointed if that's really your body', she replied. He e-mailed her his fantasy. She responded, 'you seem to know what you are writing about but those are just words. Let's see about the real thing'. Emboldened, he asked her to imagine him coming up behind her at the office, stroking her hair and neck until she was quivering with excitement. Their secret friendship grew to include pictures. His passionate writing was electric, entertaining, fun. They would arrange to chat live from each other's offices before going home to whatever/whoever was waiting for them. He was direct about what he wanted and direct in describing it. She egged him on, telling him what she was wearing, what she'd been up to. Although she had someone in real life with whom she was spending almost every minute away from work, she was not perturbed by her online alter-existence: feeling contemplative one morning before a business trip away for the weekend, she wrote to Mike: 'this thing we have.......it is what it is'. She e-mailed him a picture that her in-person lover had taken of her at a party earlier in the week. To 'keep him in the loop'. And so he could visualize exactly who he was fantasizing about. She asked for more pictures of him. She wanted to be able to visualize what her online friend actually looked like..... A little fun or entertainment on the side. No one knows, no one gets hurt. Keep it light. The love song left on her work answering machine by her boyfriend in the morning was nice... but she couldn't resist making arrangements that day with Mike for an online rendevouz.......' OK I guess that tangent was a bit unbelievable. Totally fucking unbelievable. My apologies. I've been off on tangents lately. I had to pick up a parcel that required a duty payment today. I got lost in the bowels of the building. It's like Gangs Of New York down there. Handlebar moustaches and knives. 'Amsterdam! New Yawk is calling you!!!' I got the evil eye. There are plenty of places to hide a body down there. And I picked up my fabulous RAM. Even with duty, always cheaper to order from the U.S. I have a new souped-up computer in my music studio now. The latest and greatest. Just finishing getting software set-up. More tracks at the same time. Less waiting for things to load. Cool. That's it for me tonight. That is it. That is it. 07.25.05 3 pm This song pretty much captures exactly where I am at today. Every lyric. The walls were getting shaky, dissolving, so I looked in the basement. Moved some stuff around. Moved around some boxes that weren't mine. And there - an unbelievable crack in the foundation dating back to when the house was built. The ugly schematic of a crack, brought out from the world of the hidden. In a life, or in a home, or in a person. You want to be able to believe what you've been shown and told. You're desperate for it, your whole sense of reality hinges on it. And then the mindfuck comes - when critical attitudes, thoughts, and actions are the opposite of what they were described to be. How does one deal with that? 06.23.05
3 pm I'm in a fit of daze. 04.11.05 9
pm All my computers started failing this week. All the commuters started wailing this week. All the refuters started failing this week. All the diluters started bailing this week. And I started a new song about Queen St. Love and Best Wishes, The Spartan Prince of Horrified Analysis and Worry 03.28.05 3
pm OK I guess today's big news is I've released my first new song in a while. It's called 'What Goes Around', it's available in the audio section (headphones above), and it's about KARMA. Karma, folks, is like Big Bird - nobody ever sees it but it's REAL. This song had a difficult birth, including the loss of about 6 hours of tracking two weeks ago before being painstakingly re-assembled into something new - in spite of itself - and reborn. I'm close with a couple more new ones. Then it'll be time to find someone special to do some ultra mastering. Then it's time to get a disk out. I've got one hand on the meat-grinder and the other on the mute button. When you press the mute button you can hear the meat-grinder going round and round and round, the sound of the heart pumping desperately like a mouse caught in a glue trap, birds chirping unaware at the window, and the sound of your own thoughts moving like ninjas in the background, trying to find the right room. You watch someone laughing at someone in pain and you think about string theory... And you keep turning the grinder... 03.07.05 11
am The Stills are definitely up there with my favourite new music right now. I burned a disc for my car along with Sonic Youth's 'Sonic Nurse', another amazing recording. Why can't they play music like this on the radio? Speaking of radio, a great station for discovering new music is KCRW out of California. I've been listening to it through iTunes, but you can check it out here. Listening to stuff on there makes me feel a little more, shall we say, hopeful? Last but not least.... SWING IT, BABY! 02.18.05 5
pm
Proletariat Bear. I took this picture with my Bluetooth phone. So I can prove I saw it, through the haze of turnarounds. Speaking of which, while I was staring at that hazy moon the other night and my head was pounding, I was reminded of Valentine's Cards in Grade 4. How exciting to send or receive a brilliant red diecut heart as a child. And how revolting by comparison to be in a world of adults like these. So crass and grimy, but SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!!! Am I right!!!! Yeah! Stop thinking! Woooooooo! Tenderly (or otherwise), we use each other silly. But it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Except RIGHT NOW. And we've got lots of special RIGHT NOW's from the past to back that up........ 01.19.05 2
pm Wearing hats is the new 'ironic urban mullet'. Hats are where it's at when it's FREEZING. Hatz. Hatz are cool. No irony required. I believe that making fun of mullets (or of having a mullet if you live on Queen W. - same thing) is simply a reinforcement of socioeconomic classism. Speaking of which, the 'skunk' (of which I have dabbled) will never be the mullet of the future because the skunk has urban, not rural, roots - and will therefore escape urban snots' clinging need to have something to put down in order to feel superior. In community news, the 'Skunks', the 'Mullets' and the 'White Rabbits' will be battling for ultimate control of the 3-points (where Straughan meets Queen W. east of the Park and Queen W. west of the park) this Saturday night. Weapons of choice to include iPods, moonboots, and disinterested stares. 01.17.05 11
am I just obtained a Microkorg... so watch out for new blips and beeps. As soon as I get Absynth 3 I think I'll have had my gear fix for awhile. Wanna 01.06.05 12
pm I'm very excited about a little side project I've devised to scratch a certain musical itch. I don't want to talk about it too much, I just want to keep doing it. It's entirely possible it will be ready before the main project is done. 01.04.05 10
am Happy New Year and Best Wishes to everyone. Tsunami aid: |
I
recently acquired a psychotic bear who currently sits beside me on my
desk at the headquarters of my growing evil capitalist empire. It reminds
me to work hard, and to never feel bad for the little bears, because
if they decide to, they can kill us.