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07.02.08 2 pm Some interesting passages from Bereaved Families Of Ontario: "Today's society is, on the whole, very uncomfortable with grieving people. Most of the "helpful" advice given to the bereaved encourages them to deal with their grief issues as quickly as possible and move on. Shortly after the funeral there is an expectation that the bereaved person will return to "normal". Many people view grief as an event be dealt with quickly and not a process that needs to be experienced. However it is only through the experience of that process that healing can begin. Many bereaved people are not given permission to mourn, express their feelings, or verbalise what they are really thinking. This makes grief a very isolating experience. They are afraid that if they show their grief to an outside world they will be perceived as being weak, or "stuck in their grief". Being stoic and suppressing emotions are considered to be more admirable qualitiesthan tears and distress. When asked how they are doing the bereaved often replies "I'm fine", and this is a far easier response for most people to hear as it avoids a conversation about their grief and how they are coping. However this does not meet the emotional needs of the bereaved and they are often left feeling that their reaction to the death of a loved one is abnormal. The expectation that you can "get over" your grief is a ridiculous one. Death changes the person we once were forever and we can never return to be that person again. It is possible to heal, you will always carry the scars of your loss, but to recover would mean to continue life without those scars. To think that your goal is to completely recover from your grief can be very damaging and destructive to your healing process. With time, your pain will not be as overwhelming as it is now, you will find a safe place in your heart for it and you will find renewed purpose and meaning in life once again." and... "Myth - An anticipated death is easier to bear than a sudden death. How often have we heard the words "Well, at least you were prepared."? This writer, having experienced the anticipated death of her daughter, is amazed at how others could think the loss of her child would be easier to bear because she knew that she was going to die. The obvious response is "And how do you prepare for the death of someone you love so much?" There has never been much research done into the effects of anticipatory grief and the difference between this grieving process and what you go through with a sudden, unexpected death. The struggle that you are faced with is that your family member dies twice-once on diagnosis and then again when the death actually occurs. The time between these two events is akin to living under a death sentence, for that is essentially what you are doing. Each day you see them slipping slowly, ever further away and the feelings of helplessness and guilt can be overwhelming. You struggle to celebrate and find joy in their lives while they are still alive but at the same time you are thrown into the depths of despair at the thought of having to live the rest of your life without them. Depending on the needs of the one who is dying and the demands on their caretaker, you may be physically, emotionally and financially exhausted by the time death occurs. Although cognitively you may be aware they will die soon, the emotional part of your being never allows you to believe that it will happen "today". It is always tomorrow, next week, next month but never today. As a result, when the death happens, it is still comes as an unbelievable shock. Remember that there is no "good way" to lose someone you love. Every cause of death brings with it its own issues and complications and there is no need to categorise these from best to worst. Whatever the manner of death, it is always the worst for the survivors." --- I am really shocked at the extent of the ineptitude that is on display in the social frequency that many people seek to exist and interact on. While deep down, most people are not truly vapid, many seek to avoid substance and difficulty to such an extent that the effect of this avoidance on the whole makes it's origin irrelevant. The energy that gets propagated is the same. The Tragedy of the Other is abhorrent to the needs of the individual's desire to avoid social responsibility and to feed their own need for uncomplicated attention and entertainment. The Avoidance of the Complicated (or the attempt to compartmentalize the Complicated neatly into it's own room) is embraced so as to not interfere with one's ability to Function (meaning be productive, socially integrated, and entertained). We can see this on both the personal level (eg. how we deal with the Bereaved) and the societal level (our willingness to accept the media's sanitation of misery and war on the other side of the globe). My opinion is that life is inherently messy, sometimes extremely painful, sometimes full of joy and wonder (a Bittersweet Symphony). But it would be more palatable in general if people were more genuine with each other, if people actually communicated more. I might be wrong, but I feel that this is emblematic of western culture. Many people I have met from other cultures (along with a few from this one of course) have exhibited other traits. I have had some Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist friends who I don't know that well look me in the eye, with fearless warmth. I have had so-called Christians avoid 'real' contact and shift by with 'pat' statements. Others who love me have chosen to avoid real acknowledgement or real communication. And really, it takes so little to step up. Anyway, it's not a religious issue, it's a human issue. On some days, it has me convinced that Reality - the way we feel and express it to each other - is truly and disappointingly Absurd. Other days, through random unexpected acts big and small, I feel Hope. Other days - it's Numbness. 06.17.08 11 am I am currently overhauling my studio. I got some great new gear recommended by my friend Noah Mintz - gearhead and Lacquer Channel mastering Master. I am making a leaner set-up with high quality parts. The goal is an environment that will let me create quickly and do what I want to do, more often. Part of that will involve having my mixes with me so that I can track MIDI overdubs and mix when I feel inspired. And hopefully that will give me the inertia to keep it all going. I have been reviewing things I've been working on and there is more than enough that's ready to develop into a new album. I have not been in the headspace to move forward with this for a long time, but it seems to be happening now. Ideas are bubbling up constantly. I'm letting it happen again. The calluses on my fingers are back. The issue more is the duality of expression between acoustic and electronic. I fluidly come up with both, albeit in different ways. Then I blend them with varying results. I'm not interested in trying to cultivate a 'style' so much as I am simply trying to make honest expressions of what's in my movie/head. I need something that feels 'true' to keep me sane. I'm thinking of it from the inside out, which is I think the way music is supposed to be. I'm not really up on what's 'in' right now anyway. What have I been listening to..... the new Jacob Dylan, Adem, Fleet Foxes, Arcade Fire, classical Japanese music, the soundtrack to 'There Will Be Blood', Richard Ashcroft, Sheltered In Sound, Scott Cooper, Broadcast, Edith Piaf, John Lennon home recording bootlegs, M83, Bill Callahan, David Kitt. Well, I guess there's some 'in' stuff there. What I mean is I am not listening to radio or watching videos. So I am culturally oblivious in regard to that. But I do watch CNN and the commercials that come in between. Not exactly temples of deep exploration. 01.04.08 10 am THANK YOU, JAPAN. LOOK AT IT FOLKS. EARTHRISE. THAT IS WHERE WE SIT IN THE VOID, OBLIVIOUS. THAT IS NOT COMPUTER GENERATED OR SIMULATED. OUR ATMOSPHERE HAS BEEN DESCRIBED PROPORTIONATELY AS A THIN LAYER OF LACQUER ON A SOCCER BALL. THAT'S WHAT'S BETWEEN US AND VOID. LOVE IT. HOMINIDS, FIGHT YOUR WARS! 'JESUS'. 'MOHAMMED'. 'SANTA.' 'PEGASUS'. 'LEPRACAUNS'. 'ZEUS'. 'APOLLO'. 'MANA.' 'LIGHTNING BOLTS IN THE SKY ABOVE EARLY HOMINIDS' HEADS'. 'GOD'. ........... HAPPY NEW 'YEAR'. LOVE.
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